Review: The Joy of Less

Every Sunday, The Simple Dollar reviews a personal finance book or other book of interest.

Over the last several years, I’ve begun to appreciate how much easier life is if you have less stuff. You spend less time and effort on maintenance. You spend less time and effort moving. You spend less time and effort organizing your stuff and cleaning. What you’re left with is more time and energy and financial resources to actually enjoy the experiences and things that matter to you. It’s much easier to find an hour to practice on the piano if I’m not spending all my time cleaning and putting things away and finding room for just one more thing in that closet. It’s much easier to save for the future if I’m not in a non-stop race to see who has the most stuff.

Francine Joy, author of the blog miss minimalist, expands at length on that philosophy in her book The Joy of Less. The basic premise behind the book is that many people are often overwhelmed by their possessions rather than overjoyed by them. They have homes with every nook and cranny filled with stuff and, on the whole, it brings unhappiness rather than pleasure. How can you turn that around?

The book is broken down into four main sections, each composed of a big handful of chapters. Rather than endlessly discussing all of the chapters, let’s dig into the four main sections of the book.

Part One – Philosophy
Joy opens the book by arguing that our possessions fall into one of three categories: beautiful stuff, useful stuff, and emotional stuff. It’s pretty easy to realize which category most of our things fall into, but when you start looking seriously at the items within each category and asking yourself why you want items in that category, you find yourself paring down very quickly.

For example, too much stuff kept around for aesthetics usually just clashes with each other – sensory overload. Too many “useful” things result in items not being used at all. Emotional stuff often winds up gathering dust because it merely reflects a past time in our lives and can often be compressed sensibly (digitizing old photos, for example).

One of the key steps for keeping each of these categories under control is simply being a good gatekeeper. Don’t add new things unless you’re sure you have space for that new thing in your life. If you need to, make space for that new thing before it arrives by getting rid of the least-used or least important item in that category (of the three above).

Part Two – Streamline
Here, Joy focuses on specific tactics for actually enacting the philosophies from part one (of which I just scratched the surface). She advises starting from scratch and evaluating everything you own by asking yourself the three Ts about that item: trash, treasure, or transfer? Each item you keep should have an explicit reason and a good one. If you can’t come up with a good reason to keep something, you shouldn’t be keeping it.

She’s also a big proponent (as alluded to above) of the “if one comes in, one comes out” strategy of keeping your things under control. After all, the more things you have, the more time you spend in upkeep, maintenance, finding the specific item you need, and so on. It also encourages you to focus on utility – for example, you really only need two or three knives in the kitchen, not a butcher block full of them.

She advocates an “all surfaces clear” approach for helping people to minimize clutter. I agree, to an extent. For me, however, a surface with an item on it means that I need to focus in on that item, so I’m constantly doing things like leaving to-do lists out in the middle of my desk.

Part Three – Room by Room
Joy moves on to specific clutter-reduction strategies for specific areas of a person’s home. This section of the book felt a bit light compared to the previous two portions, mostly because these sections are just specific adaptations of the plethora of ideas from the first 100 pages or so of the book.

It works, though, because of the sledgehammer-like focus of each chapter in terms of hammering home the points of the previous sections. Each chapter on a specific area is actually broken down into sections, each one focused on a specific tactic from part two of the book, applied specifically to that area of the home.

For me, then, the specific ideas for each home area weren’t as useful here as the huge number of examples of how the principles and ideas from earlier in the book actually work. With some analysis, the ideas work for any area you might want to declutter and organize. It just takes some time and initiative.

Part Four – Lifestyle
Joy winds the book down with a look at how these same principles apply to time management (de-clutter your time!) and to working towards the greater causes that matter to us (de-clutter the world!).

For me, the most valuable piece of time management I’ve ever learned is repeated here: reduce expectations. You can’t do it all, nor should you want to. When you take on so much that your schedule is bursting at the seams, you’re not doing any of the tasks well – or you’re choosing to do some of them reasonably well and some of them very poorly. I think of the mother I used to see at my son’s soccer games who never stopped talking on her cell phone or twiddling with her Blackberry during the entire game. She was physically there, but mentally, she was as far away from that field as she could be. Rather than thinking she was a bad parent, I actually thought she was a good one in that she was making an effort, but her connection to her child would be so much greater with a less overstuffed schedule.

As for the social/environmental part of the book, I would agree that decluttering is great for the environment. More than that, though, I find there’s social value in passing on my unwanted items to people who can use them. Yard sales and Freecycle and Craigslist and the barter system are all fantastic ways not only to find a second use for something, but to pass along value to others, making the world a better place.

Is The Joy of Less Worth Reading?
If you ever get the sense that “stuff” takes up too much time or too much energy in your life, you’ll probably find quite a bit of value in The Joy of Less.

On the other hand, if you feel your life is in balance already, The Joy of Less probably won’t speak to you at all. It really provides answers for paring down, and if you’ve already done that – or never reached a point where you felt any need to pare down – this book really won’t add any value to your life.

I enjoyed it. Clutter is something we’re constantly battling at the Hamm household (mostly, to tell the truth, it’s kid-related clutter), and Joy offers a plethora of philosophical ideas and concrete suggestions for waging that war. For us, that made The Joy of Less a worthwhile read.

Continue reading Review: The Joy of Less …

From The Simple Dollar.

One Change at a Time

For quite a while on Facebook, I’ve been following a friend’s attempts at getting into better shape. He’ll post several updates about going to the gym regularly, how great his diet is right now (”I just ate two grapefruits for lunch.”), and so on.

Then I’ll see an update along the lines of “Too tired to go to the gym this morning.” This will often be followed in a day or two by something like “That new KFC sandwich is awesome!”

A few days after that, I’ll see some deeply remorseful entries (”Why do I keep failing myself?”) and then some serious resolve to make it all work again.

And the cycle repeats itself.

His desire is in the right place and, overall, he’s making positive progress. The only problem is that this progress is very much in the “five steps forward, four steps back” mold.

One step forward is better than “five steps forward, four steps back.” On the surface, the accomplishment is the same, but underneath it, the “five steps forward, four steps back” approach leaves you worn out mentally and physically and reduces your ability to really trust yourself.

I shot my friend an email and (besides asking if I could mention his story very non-specifically on The Simple Dollar) suggested that he try just accomplishing one thing in a week. Pick one very simple goal for the coming week and accomplish it. Let everything else just flow according to routine.

Guess what? About a week later, he posted that he had kept his eating under 2,500 calories each day this week and it was easier than he thought it would be. All he really did was just start off each meal with some very low-calorie foods, allowing himself to get partially full on them.

One simple strategy, one change that he can repeat and repeat and focus on and repeat some more until it becomes a normal part of his life.

I’m a huge believer in this “one change at a time” philosophy. I’ve seen it work time and time again in my own life. If I take on three or four big projects or changes in my life all at once, I usually end up failing at all of them. If I merely take on one at a time, I see success.

I’ll use a couple recent examples from my own life. Last summer, I simultaneously tried to take on a stronger exercise routine, a book manuscript, and a community organization goal all at the same time. The stronger exercise routine failed completely, the community organization initiative was mediocre at best, and the book manuscript wound up being almost a month late.

On the other hand, I’ve been completely single-minded about getting everything ready at our home for the baby and I’ve felt that I’ve been pretty successful at that. Things feel like they’re coming into place quite nicely, with most of the “big” things on our list taken care of.

Don’t worry about a big transformation in your life. Most big transformations never work over a short time frame. Instead, pick one little thing to change and focus in on that change like a laser beam.

Continue reading One Change at a Time …

From The Simple Dollar.

Reader Mailbag: Drawing the Line

It’s Monday again, and that means it’s time for another Reader Mailbag.

I think I read an old post where you gave a suggestion into when it is good to utilize a credit cards rewards program and when it isn’t such a good idea. I don’t remember too much about the post but I think it’s somewhere along the lines of “you should sign up for the rewards program only if a certain condition is met”. I am trying to see whether or not I should keep my bank’s (Wells Fargo) reward program and it has an annual fee of $20.
- Raymond

Here’s my philosophy for rewards credit cards in a nutshell.

First, if you’re not earning multiple percentage points in rewards, don’t bother. A good rewards card will earn you more than 1% back in rewards. Some cards in some situations can earn you as much as 4% back. Don’t waste your time with a card that earns less than 2%.

Second, if those “rewards” are intrinsically tied to points that are very limited in terms of what you can use them for, don’t bother. If your “rewards” are tied to some catalog of consumer goods set up by your credit card holder, don’t bother with the card unless there’s some explicit way of maximizing that. For example, our Amazon card requires us to explicitly go to a catalog site and choose to use our rewards on Amazon gift certificates, which we can then use on all sorts of things.

Third, if the card’s rewards program encourages you to spend more at retailers that you normally don’t use, don’t bother. A rewards program should never cause you to alter your spending habits in the direction of spending more. Instead, look for cards in line with how you already spend your money, such as cards tied to the gas stations you use, the grocery stores you use, or aren’t tied to any retailer at all.

Use those three rules and you’ll filter out the vast majority of rewards programs. Stick with one that makes it through that trial by fire.

How did you get over the fear of introducing your blog to those closest to you? Weren’t you afraid they were going to know how deep your financial hole was? Did anyone judge you when you did reveal it?
- Gina

I really didn’t worry about it at all.

One big reason I started The Simple Dollar is I wanted to convince my friends and some of my family that it was okay to talk about money issues, particularly with me. I decided the best way to make everyone feel more comfortable about it is by confessing my mistakes right off the bat.

It actually worked. While it hasn’t wound up causing many big roundtable discussions about money, I have had many money-related one-on-one conversations with my family and friends about financial issues. They already know that I’ve messed up badly when it comes to finances and they also know I’ve done the footwork to figure out how to fix it. Add that into the fact that they know me personally and (most) judge me to be reasonably trustworthy (I think, anyway), they’re willing to talk to me about it.

I’m thrilled about it.

Another thing: if someone is going to look down at me because I’ve confessed my mistakes publicly and am working to fix the problems, I don’t really think too much of them. No one is perfect. Every single person you see makes mistakes – and they’re often big ones. If they simultaneously look down at me but, at the same time, don’t have the courage themselves to publicly share their life mistakes, I don’t really have a whole lot of respect for that.

How do you decide where to draw the line when discussing elements of your life?
- May

With an audience as large as The Simple Dollar has, this is an issue I’ve considered quite a lot over the years. I have a pretty set policy at this point.

If it directly affects just me, I’m pretty open about it. If it affects my wife, I know what boundaries she has about discussing elements of her life. The same goes for my kids – my wife and I have a policy when it comes to sharing about them.

I have a few minor disabilities that I don’t usually discuss because they usually don’t affect anything and I’m so used to them that I roll straight through it (for those curious, I am completely deaf in one ear, almost completely blind in one eye, and basically have no thyroid gland), although they have affected some of my financial decisions on occasion. In fact, those three minor issues might actually fill in a few little gaps for long-time readers.

When it comes to my family and friends, I obfuscate heavily. I will combine elements of different people. I will check with people before I write about them in any way that’s specific at all and allow them to read it first and veto it if they choose (no one ever has). I don’t feel it’s right to invade their privacy or dignity. I do have some blanket permissions from a few people very close to me to write about them (John being one).

I’m also careful with specific pieces of information that are irrelevant to the issue at hand but which could be used for identity theft. I often completely substitute false information in these cases.

There are times when these concerns can sometimes interfere with a full discussion of a financial issue on The Simple Dollar. In those cases, I usually do the best I can to make do while steering clear of those concerns. More than once, this has caused me to be strongly attacked by readers.

I am 31 years old with a comfortable income and no kids. I currently max out my Roth IRA contributions with a standing withdrawal from my bank account. I recently moved to Finland, so I am no longer receiving any 401(K) benefits. My 401(K) investments I had accrued with my employer in the U.S. is now just sitting in a Fidelity account. Is there any reason to roll this into a regular IRA? Or do I just move over some of it to the Roth IRA and stop contributing for 2010?
- Angela

The reason one would want to roll over a 401(k) is so that one has better access to investment options for that money. If you’re really happy with the options that Fidelity gives you for the 401(k), leave it there. Otherwise, I’d roll it over into a traditional IRA with an investment house that you trust (I usually recommend Vanguard).

A separate question revolves around converting a traditional IRA into a Roth IRA. 2010 is the year to do this if you’re going to do it because there’s no income test for a conversion in 2010. Anyone can convert to a Roth, pay the taxes, and secure untaxed income in retirement. Should you convert? If you believe your tax rate in retirement will be lower than your tax rate now, then it’s probably worth your while.

No matter what, it shouldn’t affect your contributions for 2010. You should absolutely continue to contribute towards your retirement.

I have question about closing a Roth IRA to pay off debt. Currently I have 7500 in credit card debt and my wife has about 11,000 (once we use our tax return to pay off some of her debt). I had a mutal fund that isn’t performing very well, I have had it for 10+ years ($1600). I’m closing the account and adding it to an emergency fund that has about $150. I also have a Roth IRA with about $1600 in after an intial investment of $4000 (during the tech boom). My question to you is should I close this Roth IRA and use it to pay off debt, knowing that I will get penalized for closing it and taxed or should I just transfer it to a another account (Vangard or Fedelity Roth IRA)? Can I write off the Roth IRA loss ($4000 to $1600) on my tax return?
- Oscar

Your only penalty here would be losing the balance of your Roth IRA without converting it. Your basis for the Roth is the amount you put into the account – $4,000. If you take out the full balance – $1,600 – it’s just a straight loss of $2,400.

Can you claim that on your taxes? You can only claim it if you close ALL of your Roth IRA accounts at the same time. This sounds like it’s your only Roth IRA, so you would just need to close this one.

If you wish to move your Roth IRA, contact the business to which you want to move the account and explain your situation. They will be able to help you move the account.

I will be getting back a substantial reimbursement from he IRS but I owe just as much on a credit card which has an interest rate of 23%. Since I do not have any emergency fund, I was thinking of just banking that money and continue paying my credit card at approximately $500. a month. I know the logical thing to do is pay off the credit card and save the $500. monthly but I’m actually almost afraid of doing that. I live with my boyfriend and he is currently facing the possibility of a lay off. What are your thoughts on this. Should I save the large sum or pay off the credit card with it?
- Yomaira

If you’re facing the strong possibility of a layoff and you would have to support both you and your boyfriend with your savings, then you should bank the money and keep making minimum payments on that debt. A job loss is a significant risk with some pretty strong consequences.

Once the situation is clear, however, you should keep an emergency fund of about $1,000, take the rest of it, and make a giant payment on that credit card.

The most important thing you can do in this situation, though, is get out of the habit of using credit cards. Put them in a place where they’re hard to reach and learn how to live without them for a while. One common suggestion is the old “block of ice” trick, but that’s often fixed with a hammer. I like the “put them in a coffee can and bury them” trick better.

My husband and I had a wonderfully misspent youth and much of our older lives. We were not financially wise and the way things worked out we moved around a lot to stay employed. Moving takes money and we find ourselves at the brink of retirement with insufficient savings. Worse, we do not have a house that is even close to paid off. And finally, my husband is being forced to retire in June pushing us to make some financial decisions.

Our current house is at the low end of the market for where we live. We confirmed with a real estate friend last night that pretty much any housing option in our town that puts a roof over our heads will cost about what we are currently paying. I am still employed in a good job but we will not be able to keep the house and our current expenses with just my salary. My husband can likely find some contracts and consulting but not full time employment at the salary he was making before.

We could move somewhere else. We have checked the MLS in areas where we used to live or would consider moving and we could have a house for much less than we pay here. Only if we move, I am walking away from a good job in an uncertain economy. At my current age I am competing with younger, fresher, and cheaper talent. There would be no guarantees beyond our fairly minimal retirement benefits for either of us.

The bottom line is that where we are we have one good job but living expenses beyond our means. We could move to where life is cheaper but would then have no additional income or guarantee of job. What to do….?
- Delores

The first thought that comes to mind when I read your story is cohabitation. Do you have a room or two in your house that you could rent out to someone, perhaps a college student or someone in town for a short period for a consulting job? That’s one efficient way to reduce the burden of your mortgage.

The second option I would suggest is polishing up your resume and seeing if you can find work in the areas where you would consider moving. There’s no penalty in at least trying to find work, even if you aren’t successful. If you do find a job there, problem solved.

The final thing I would do in your situation is encourage your husband to do the same thing you’re doing. He should be beating the pavement hard looking for opportunities. Now is the perfect time to hunt up old colleagues to see if they’re aware of any work opportunities.

Good luck!

When I bought my car almost 3 years ago, I had 2 90-day late marks on my credit report. I didn’t know about them until I got my car loan. At that moment I was in a bad spot – my home and lifestyle mandate that I have a vehicle and my old one was dead in the parking lot (and yes, I was also young and dumb, excited to be buying a new-used car, and fresh out of college making good money while my student loans were still in deferrment). So I got stuck with 11% interest rate and was too stupid to do anything about it for a while.

When I realized I can probably renegotiate my interest rate I assumed I should probably work on improving my credit score first so I’d have some negotiating power.

The two late pays were real, although both were honest mistakes (one was an account with an annual fee that I forgot to close, and the other had to do with the post office not forwarding my mail for a few months). They are both off my record now (worked with the credit card company to remove the one where I wasn’t getting the bill and the other one expired) but I’ve made some other mistakes. Nothing big. There have been several times when my car payment was 1-3 days late. And there’ve been some times when I had to defer a payment (within in the terms of the loan agreement) This wouldn’t be on my credit report but the credit union that owns the loan will surely know about them. I’m afraid it will go against my plea of “I’m a good customer. I always pay my bill. Please give me a break.”

I’ve also used my credit cards more than I should have so my debt-to-credit ratio is high.

Anyway, I thought you might be able to provide some insight about negotiating a lower interest rate on an existing loan.
- Julie

The first thing you need to do is go take a look at your credit report. Visit annualcreditreport.com and find out what your credit report looks like. You need to at least know what facts about you are being shared.

If you find anything on there that’s inaccurate, chase it down and get it off the report. This might take some time and some phone calls, but it’s usually not too terrible and it can make a big difference.

Once you’ve verified that the report is accurate and as good as it can be, you’ll want to head to a local credit union. Explain that you signed a very poor car loan and would like to refinance it. I don’t think direct negotiation with your current loan holder will do you much good here.

Good luck!

My husband and I and 2 kids love to go out to eat, especially Chinese or Thai food. We have done a great job in curbing our 4 times a week going out to once a week. Although both of us work, we are working to get debt free and any money saved goes to paying off debt. Hopefully we will only owe a mortgage by August. I am not too worried about the mortgage b/c interest rate is 4.75%. Back to my question: I really thinks my Dear Hubby believes that he is a king. When we go out to eat, he has to have the most expensive dinner and soup and salad and appetizer or sushi. The kids have come to expect this also, but we end up only ordering one thing between the two of them. I have finally convinced my dear hubby to drink water so the kids will not want a drink either. Our bill comes out to be $45 or more sometimes. And that is after I end up eating very light to compensate for his extravagance. We discuss this all the time and he feels I am wrong wanting to limit the amount he wants to eat. I feel that we should be able to indulge on special occasions (bdays and anniversaries) and on other going out days, eat sensibly. So who would you say is in the right?
- Nisha

If going out for a nice meal is something that your husband deeply values and he’s frugal in other areas of his life, you’re spending less than $50 to feed your whole family, you’ve cut dining out down to one night a week, and you’re spending quite a bit less than you earn, I think I have to side with your husband on this one.

Small extravagances, if done with forethought and moderation, are part of the spice of life and can contribute greatly to one’s enjoyment of life. If your husband’s one real splurge in a week is a very nice meal – one where the total family bill is still less than $50 – I see nothing wrong with it, particularly if you’re still spending substantially less than you earn ater that meal.

If your husband spends money left and right, then there’s a bigger problem at work here that involves overall responsible use of money and deserves special treatment and long conversations. But that doesn’t sound like the case here.

Why won’t you review [personal finance book X]?
- Sheila

First of all, there are thousands of personal finance books I’ve never reviewed and there are more printed every week. I have a single review slot each week to fill.

Because of that, I have to be somewhat selective about what I review for the site. I try hard to pick books that say something interesting to me and also to my readers.

At the same time, I try not to review books that engage in practices I dislike, like selling fear as part of the financial message or offering up highly questionable tactics without discussing the risks or drawbacks of those tactics. I don’t think books like that have value and I won’t waste editorial space on them.

After that, a major factor is availability. Does my library have it? Will the publisher send me a review copy of it? If one of those two is true, I’m much more likely to review it.

Got any questions? Ask in the comments or send me an email and I’ll try to include it in a future reader mailbag.

Continue reading Reader Mailbag: Drawing the Line …

From The Simple Dollar.

Frugal Upstate ponders: What is frugal living?

Jenn at Frugal Upstate tackles the question: What is frugal living? and details why she thinks it is more of a philosophy than “a set of tasks.”

Continue reading Frugal Upstate ponders: What is frugal living? …

From Monroe on a Budget.

Review: Killing Sacred Cows

Every other Sunday, The Simple Dollar reviews a personal finance book.

I quite enjoy reading personal finance books that offer different advice and ideas than the rest, even if I don’t agree with what they have to say. Killing Sacred Cows, by Garrett B. Gunderson, falls into this category.

Killing Sacred Cows (ussurprisingly) takes on some financial “myths” that the author argues is destroying your prosperity. As with all such books, it’s an entertaining read and it makes quite a few good points – and quite a few questionable ones. That’s why it’s worth reading – it, at the very least, provokes you into thinking about things.

Let’s dig in and see what Gunderson has to say.

Myth 1: The Finite Pie
Quite often, people convince themselves that the good things in life are scarce. There’s only so much success and money and opportunities to go around, they argue, and they’re jealous of the people that have the things they do not. In truth, there’s a bounty of wealth and opportunities in the world, and someone else’s success almost never precludes your own. Instead of worrying and stressing about the great things others have, focus on improving yourself and claiming opportunities for you.

Myth 2: You’re in It for the Long Haul
I’m not sure I agree with this “myth.” Here, Gunderson argues that 401(k)s are simply there for people to sock their money away for some ultra-expensive unspecified retirement, and that a better option is to use it now in ways that multiply your money. In other words, instead of saving for retirement, channel that money into improving your earning potential – an education, starting a business, and so on. I think this philosophy makes a big assumption about 401(k) savings – that they’re just for some sort of “golden years” image of retirement that’s starting to not reflect reality. In truth, 401(k)s are often simply a tax-advantaged way to save for the long-term future. I actually think for most people that Roth IRAs are the best option of all, since earnings aren’t taxed at all if you withdraw them when you’re over 59 1/2 years old.

Myth 3: It’s All About the Numbers
It’s not all about the numbers. It’s all about the psychology. Do you have the mental strength to overcome temptations, buckle down, and save? Or are you prone to keeping up with the Joneses and constantly giving into simple temptations? It doesn’t matter how good your investments are if you constantly buy yourself splurges and are in debt up to your ears.

Myth 4: Financial Security
Financial security used to mean a steady paycheck and a pension, but the world doesn’t work that way any more. Instead, the true source of financial security is you: the unique skills you have, the experience you have, and the connections you have to others. If you can provide genuine value to others, you’ll always find work – if you can’t, you won’t be finding work any time soon.

Myth 5: Money and Power
Money is not power. Money is just an expression of the value created by people for people. People who create more value tend to accumulate more money. You do not need to have money to make money – you just need to be able to produce value on your own with your skills, connections, experience, hard work, and creativity.

Myth 6: High Risks = High Returns
The big problem that Gunderson points to (in so many words) is that people often confuse volatility and risk. Volatility means that over a certain period of time, an investment might go up and down rapidly. The stock market is volatile and you know it’s going to be. Risk centers around the as-of-yet-unknown outcome of a future event – you take on risk when you assume the outcome. A well-researched investment lowers the risk (because you increase your actual knowledge and reduce the unknowns about it) but doesn’t change the volatility (it’ll still be somewhat volatile, no matter how much you know). If you assume a lot of risk, it just means you’re investing in something you know little about – and that’s more or less akin to gambling.

Myth 7: Self-Insurance
Insurance is there to decrease the risk in your life, nothing more, nothing less. The less insurance you have of various kinds, the more risk you expose yourself to. Gunderson highly recommends buying a wide variety of insurance, arguing that the financial cost of the insurance is low compared to what it protects you against. I think it tends to come down to your personal situation – if you don’t have many assets or resources to protect, there’s not much need for insurance. If you’re driving a junk car, for exmaple, full insurance is pretty much overkill.

Myth 8: Avoid Debt Like the Plague
In so many words, Gunderson distinguishes between good debt and bad debt. In general, bad debt has high interest rates and is used to buy stuff that doesn’t help you generate additional income. Good debt has low interest rates and is used to generate additional revenue in your life. Student loans, for example, would be “good debt,” while credit cards are almost always “bad debt.” The problem with this dichotomy is that the line in the middle is blurry – there’s a giant grey area in this dichotomy. What about a car loan? Some car loans might be “good debt” – like a used car loan to help you get back and forth to work – but a car loan to buy a Mercedes is likely “bad debt.” But where’s the line?

Myth 9: A Penny Saved Is a Penny Earned
I agree strongly with the argument here. Gunderson argues that price really doesn’t matter compared to value when making a purchase. Does the item actually provide deep personal value to you? If the answer is yes, don’t be afraid to spend money on it. The challenge here is doing enough personal reflection and self-analysis so that you clearly understand what things provide value in your life and which things do not.

Is Killing Sacred Cows Worth Reading?
Killing Sacred Cows is thought-provoking. It will make you think about your money. For me, that’s strong praise – that’s what I look for more than anything in a personal finance book.

Having said that, I don’t wholly agree with all of the conclusions in the book. I think the “good debt”/”bad debt” dichotomy is a pretty bad one – all debt is bad and to say any of it is good is to try to put a nice label on something that’s a bit less onerous than something else. I also felt like the insurance chapter was practically written by an insurance salesman and was obviously targeted toward people with a lot of assets to protect.

It’s definitely an enjoyable read that will make you think (Gunderson has an engaging writing style), but I wouldn’t follow all of the advice as gospel. Of course, I wouldn’t follow the advice of any one personal finance book as gospel.

Continue reading Review: Killing Sacred Cows …

From The Simple Dollar.

Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come

This is the fourteenth of sixteen parts of a “book club” reading and discussion of Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz’s Never Eat Alone, where this book on building a lifelong community of colleagues, contacts, friends, and mentors is teased apart and looked at in detail. This entry covers the twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth chapters – “Build It and They Will Come” and “Never Give in to Hubris” – which appear on pages 259 through 272.

One major challenge for many people is how exactly to find people to connect to. Many of the typical social methods people use to meet each other are shots in the dark, hoping that you find someone compatible.

Ferrazzi is a big proponent of clubs and community organizations. If you dig around, there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of these in your local area, but many people never put in the footwork to find such organizations.

Over the years, I’ve been a member of many, many such groups, and I have to agree – they’re often useful in building relationships and providing a great way to spend time. In my experience, the best organizations are the ones that combine the camaraderie of a club with a natural passion that you already have.

Join a Club
Ferrazzi lays out the reasoning behind joining a club or organization on page 261:

All clubs are based on common interests. Members are united by a similar job, philosophy, hobby, neighborhood, or simply because they are the same race, religion, or generation. They are founded by a common proposition that is unique to them. They have, in other words, a reason to hang out together.

Take a look in the mirrow. Who are you? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you believe in? The answers to these questions give you things that you have in common with other people, and this can often be the basis of participation in organizations.

Perhaps your school has an alumni association. Perhaps you’re a believer of a certain religion. Perhaps you engage in a particular hobby that others might share. Maybe you suffer from a certain medical condition, or have survived a certain social situation.

Whatever it is, there’s either an organization out there that will help you find people that you have something in common with or you can start such a group yourself. The people you meet will not only be easy to meet, but many will have social worlds that don’t overlap your own, giving you many opportunities to get to know people in different areas and stages and walks of life.

Bring Something Extra
On page 261, Ferrazzi talks about your unique selling proposition:

At a time like this, you have to figure out what is your U.S.P. – your “unique selling proposition,” for all you non-MBA types out there. What secret sauce can you bring to the table? Your proposition can be an expertise, a hobby, or even an interest or passion for a particular cause that will serve as the foundation from which an entire organization or club can be established.

When you join a club – or, especially, when you start your own – you need to bring something unique and interesting to the table or else you’ll just stand out. Perhaps it’s nothing more than a willingness to participate and take on the difficult tasks. Perhaps it’s a set of resources that you have that you can contribute to the group. Maybe it’s personal talent.

An example: when in college, I joined a computer group, where people would trade software and computer parts, build computers for people, and give each other advice. The group was somewhat anarchical, though, and the job of president – the person who had to interact with the college and arrange rooms for meetings and the like – was thankless, though people did appreciate that someone was willing to do it. For one (long) year, that was me. Because of that year, I built up several long-lasting friendships, resulting in two separate guests at my wedding a few years later.

Whatever it is, having that extra “something” will help you become an integral part of any group and make it possible for you to meet lots of people. Stand up, offer what you can, and good things will happen.

Clubs Aren’t for Rich White People
On page 263, Ferrazzi eschews the “rich white guys” notion of what a club is:

The days when clubs were only for wealthy white men to consort with people just like themselves are over. It doesn’t matter if it’s a group of carpet salespeople meeting weekly to discuss the trials and tribulations of their jobs; a roundtable of female Republicans who are dissatisfied with the stance of their state party; or a group who share a passion for great wines and who come together monthly to do tastings, hear vintners who are traveling through the area, and who plan an annual trip to Napa. Whatever it is and whoever you are doesn’t matter.

The idea that a “club” is just an exclusionary group of like-minded people who don’t want anyone else interfering in their ways died along with the pet rock. Sure, there are still a few such archaic groups around, but most groups simply aren’t like that, and if you use the fear of exclusion to keep you from dabbling your toes in the water, you’re making a big mistake.

The entire purpose of a group is to meet people that overlap in some demographic fashion, whether it be a hobby or a belief or a location or a political affiliation or something else. That overlap is the one thing that matters.

Yes, maybe some groups that seem like they would fit simply don’t fit, but it’s not because of exclusion. It’s usually because of personality clash.

The Value of a Club
The compelling reason for club membership is spelled out on page 264:

As long as it’s an association of people with shared interests meeting in a specified place (even if that place is cyberspace), you’ll benefit from belonging to something larger than yourself. You and your fellow members will be strengthened by a collective identity. And whereas with business, where boundaries of most relationships are clearly defined by a specific project or deal and end when that project or deal is done, membership in a club (preferably a club you’ve started) will lead to friendships that will last for years.

Being in a club means that you’re building a bond with other people that goes beyond the minutiae of the day. People come together in clubs because of common interests and beliefs and passions, not because they’re made to out of business or because it’s convenient.

That’s why clubs are often the best opportunity for building new friendships and connections in your area. The people in that room share something that transcends the ordinary. Often, they work together to build something even more interesting and exciting. That environment is the type of place where relationships and friendships thrive.

Take some time and find out what groups, clubs, and organizations are available in your area and give them a shot, whether it’s a book club at the library or a hunting club at the local range. Whatever it is, if it matches you, you’ll likely match it.

Momentum
Whenever people start building a lot of new relationships, these relationships often snowball. Friends will constantly introduce you to new friends, and so forth. Ferrazzi looks at this more deeply on page 268:

The pursuit of a powerful network of friends is not in and of itself a bad thing. But the closer you get to powerful people, the more powerful you tend to feel. There is a point where your reaching out to others will pick up momentum; one powerful contact will lead to another and then to the next. It can be a very fun and motivating and important ride.

At one point in my earlier career, I noticed that this very phenomenon happened to me. At one point, I completed a pretty substantial project and was able to share the results of that with a large number of people. Later, at a large conference (the first of its kind I had attended), I would meet up with these people and they were constantly introducing me to others. By the end of it, I knew many of the key people there, pushing one of my friends to comment that it sure didn’t seem like I was a first-timer.

If you provide something of value to others and make a sincere effort to befriend them, help them, and maintain a connection, they’ll remember you. When the time comes, they’ll introduce you to people they know and you’ll get to know new people. Eventually this will reach critical mass – people will talk positively about you when you’re not around, realizing that they have you in common, and this will often bolster your reputation strongly without any effort from you. You’ll get calls and messages out of the blue from people wanting to know you.

It’s awesome. It works. It really happens. But it requires being a sincere and helpful friend to a lot of people over a long period of time.

Vanity
Unfortunately, that kind of success can lead to vanity. On page 268:

Don’t let a little vanity seep into your actions or excite more expectations or create a deeper sense of entitlement. Don’t get your Ph. D. in master connecting, and then, for some reason, forget all the classes and values that were your foundation.

Everyone fails in life. What will you do when the phone calls that were once returned immediately no don’t even get a response?

It’s easy to think that you really are awesome and that a gravy train of success will keep on running. Inevitably, though, something happens. We all fail. We all do something we shouldn’t.

The end result of that is sometimes connections close right in your face, and often even a domino effect can occur as the story of your mistake spreads.

What happens then? You rely on your old friends, the ones who have been around for a long time. The only problem there is that if you’ve stopped being true to who you are, you’ve also stopped being true to them – and it’s likely they won’t be there for you.

If you begin to think you’re better than people you once thought of as a valuable equal, it will eventually backfire on your face. Remain humble, and remember who your truest friends are and the values that helped you to start opening the doors in the first place. If you stick to those values and beliefs, you’ll do all right.

On Wednesday, we’ll tackle the twenty-ninth and thirtieth chapters – “Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat” and “Balance is B.S.”

Continue reading Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come …

From The Simple Dollar.

Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come

This is the fourteenth of sixteen parts of a “book club” reading and discussion of Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz’s Never Eat Alone, where this book on building a lifelong community of colleagues, contacts, friends, and mentors is teased apart and looked at in detail. This entry covers the twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth chapters – “Build It and They Will Come” and “Never Give in to Hubris” – which appear on pages 259 through 272.

One major challenge for many people is how exactly to find people to connect to. Many of the typical social methods people use to meet each other are shots in the dark, hoping that you find someone compatible.

Ferrazzi is a big proponent of clubs and community organizations. If you dig around, there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of these in your local area, but many people never put in the footwork to find such organizations.

Over the years, I’ve been a member of many, many such groups, and I have to agree – they’re often useful in building relationships and providing a great way to spend time. In my experience, the best organizations are the ones that combine the camaraderie of a club with a natural passion that you already have.

Join a Club
Ferrazzi lays out the reasoning behind joining a club or organization on page 261:

All clubs are based on common interests. Members are united by a similar job, philosophy, hobby, neighborhood, or simply because they are the same race, religion, or generation. They are founded by a common proposition that is unique to them. They have, in other words, a reason to hang out together.

Take a look in the mirrow. Who are you? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you believe in? The answers to these questions give you things that you have in common with other people, and this can often be the basis of participation in organizations.

Perhaps your school has an alumni association. Perhaps you’re a believer of a certain religion. Perhaps you engage in a particular hobby that others might share. Maybe you suffer from a certain medical condition, or have survived a certain social situation.

Whatever it is, there’s either an organization out there that will help you find people that you have something in common with or you can start such a group yourself. The people you meet will not only be easy to meet, but many will have social worlds that don’t overlap your own, giving you many opportunities to get to know people in different areas and stages and walks of life.

Bring Something Extra
On page 261, Ferrazzi talks about your unique selling proposition:

At a time like this, you have to figure out what is your U.S.P. – your “unique selling proposition,” for all you non-MBA types out there. What secret sauce can you bring to the table? Your proposition can be an expertise, a hobby, or even an interest or passion for a particular cause that will serve as the foundation from which an entire organization or club can be established.

When you join a club – or, especially, when you start your own – you need to bring something unique and interesting to the table or else you’ll just stand out. Perhaps it’s nothing more than a willingness to participate and take on the difficult tasks. Perhaps it’s a set of resources that you have that you can contribute to the group. Maybe it’s personal talent.

An example: when in college, I joined a computer group, where people would trade software and computer parts, build computers for people, and give each other advice. The group was somewhat anarchical, though, and the job of president – the person who had to interact with the college and arrange rooms for meetings and the like – was thankless, though people did appreciate that someone was willing to do it. For one (long) year, that was me. Because of that year, I built up several long-lasting friendships, resulting in two separate guests at my wedding a few years later.

Whatever it is, having that extra “something” will help you become an integral part of any group and make it possible for you to meet lots of people. Stand up, offer what you can, and good things will happen.

Clubs Aren’t for Rich White People
On page 263, Ferrazzi eschews the “rich white guys” notion of what a club is:

The days when clubs were only for wealthy white men to consort with people just like themselves are over. It doesn’t matter if it’s a group of carpet salespeople meeting weekly to discuss the trials and tribulations of their jobs; a roundtable of female Republicans who are dissatisfied with the stance of their state party; or a group who share a passion for great wines and who come together monthly to do tastings, hear vintners who are traveling through the area, and who plan an annual trip to Napa. Whatever it is and whoever you are doesn’t matter.

The idea that a “club” is just an exclusionary group of like-minded people who don’t want anyone else interfering in their ways died along with the pet rock. Sure, there are still a few such archaic groups around, but most groups simply aren’t like that, and if you use the fear of exclusion to keep you from dabbling your toes in the water, you’re making a big mistake.

The entire purpose of a group is to meet people that overlap in some demographic fashion, whether it be a hobby or a belief or a location or a political affiliation or something else. That overlap is the one thing that matters.

Yes, maybe some groups that seem like they would fit simply don’t fit, but it’s not because of exclusion. It’s usually because of personality clash.

The Value of a Club
The compelling reason for club membership is spelled out on page 264:

As long as it’s an association of people with shared interests meeting in a specified place (even if that place is cyberspace), you’ll benefit from belonging to something larger than yourself. You and your fellow members will be strengthened by a collective identity. And whereas with business, where boundaries of most relationships are clearly defined by a specific project or deal and end when that project or deal is done, membership in a club (preferably a club you’ve started) will lead to friendships that will last for years.

Being in a club means that you’re building a bond with other people that goes beyond the minutiae of the day. People come together in clubs because of common interests and beliefs and passions, not because they’re made to out of business or because it’s convenient.

That’s why clubs are often the best opportunity for building new friendships and connections in your area. The people in that room share something that transcends the ordinary. Often, they work together to build something even more interesting and exciting. That environment is the type of place where relationships and friendships thrive.

Take some time and find out what groups, clubs, and organizations are available in your area and give them a shot, whether it’s a book club at the library or a hunting club at the local range. Whatever it is, if it matches you, you’ll likely match it.

Momentum
Whenever people start building a lot of new relationships, these relationships often snowball. Friends will constantly introduce you to new friends, and so forth. Ferrazzi looks at this more deeply on page 268:

The pursuit of a powerful network of friends is not in and of itself a bad thing. But the closer you get to powerful people, the more powerful you tend to feel. There is a point where your reaching out to others will pick up momentum; one powerful contact will lead to another and then to the next. It can be a very fun and motivating and important ride.

At one point in my earlier career, I noticed that this very phenomenon happened to me. At one point, I completed a pretty substantial project and was able to share the results of that with a large number of people. Later, at a large conference (the first of its kind I had attended), I would meet up with these people and they were constantly introducing me to others. By the end of it, I knew many of the key people there, pushing one of my friends to comment that it sure didn’t seem like I was a first-timer.

If you provide something of value to others and make a sincere effort to befriend them, help them, and maintain a connection, they’ll remember you. When the time comes, they’ll introduce you to people they know and you’ll get to know new people. Eventually this will reach critical mass – people will talk positively about you when you’re not around, realizing that they have you in common, and this will often bolster your reputation strongly without any effort from you. You’ll get calls and messages out of the blue from people wanting to know you.

It’s awesome. It works. It really happens. But it requires being a sincere and helpful friend to a lot of people over a long period of time.

Vanity
Unfortunately, that kind of success can lead to vanity. On page 268:

Don’t let a little vanity seep into your actions or excite more expectations or create a deeper sense of entitlement. Don’t get your Ph. D. in master connecting, and then, for some reason, forget all the classes and values that were your foundation.

Everyone fails in life. What will you do when the phone calls that were once returned immediately no don’t even get a response?

It’s easy to think that you really are awesome and that a gravy train of success will keep on running. Inevitably, though, something happens. We all fail. We all do something we shouldn’t.

The end result of that is sometimes connections close right in your face, and often even a domino effect can occur as the story of your mistake spreads.

What happens then? You rely on your old friends, the ones who have been around for a long time. The only problem there is that if you’ve stopped being true to who you are, you’ve also stopped being true to them – and it’s likely they won’t be there for you.

If you begin to think you’re better than people you once thought of as a valuable equal, it will eventually backfire on your face. Remain humble, and remember who your truest friends are and the values that helped you to start opening the doors in the first place. If you stick to those values and beliefs, you’ll do all right.

On Wednesday, we’ll tackle the twenty-ninth and thirtieth chapters – “Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat” and “Balance is B.S.”

Continue reading Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come …

From The Simple Dollar.

Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come

This is the fourteenth of sixteen parts of a “book club” reading and discussion of Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz’s Never Eat Alone, where this book on building a lifelong community of colleagues, contacts, friends, and mentors is teased apart and looked at in detail. This entry covers the twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth chapters – “Build It and They Will Come” and “Never Give in to Hubris” – which appear on pages 259 through 272.

One major challenge for many people is how exactly to find people to connect to. Many of the typical social methods people use to meet each other are shots in the dark, hoping that you find someone compatible.

Ferrazzi is a big proponent of clubs and community organizations. If you dig around, there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of these in your local area, but many people never put in the footwork to find such organizations.

Over the years, I’ve been a member of many, many such groups, and I have to agree – they’re often useful in building relationships and providing a great way to spend time. In my experience, the best organizations are the ones that combine the camaraderie of a club with a natural passion that you already have.

Join a Club
Ferrazzi lays out the reasoning behind joining a club or organization on page 261:

All clubs are based on common interests. Members are united by a similar job, philosophy, hobby, neighborhood, or simply because they are the same race, religion, or generation. They are founded by a common proposition that is unique to them. They have, in other words, a reason to hang out together.

Take a look in the mirrow. Who are you? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you believe in? The answers to these questions give you things that you have in common with other people, and this can often be the basis of participation in organizations.

Perhaps your school has an alumni association. Perhaps you’re a believer of a certain religion. Perhaps you engage in a particular hobby that others might share. Maybe you suffer from a certain medical condition, or have survived a certain social situation.

Whatever it is, there’s either an organization out there that will help you find people that you have something in common with or you can start such a group yourself. The people you meet will not only be easy to meet, but many will have social worlds that don’t overlap your own, giving you many opportunities to get to know people in different areas and stages and walks of life.

Bring Something Extra
On page 261, Ferrazzi talks about your unique selling proposition:

At a time like this, you have to figure out what is your U.S.P. – your “unique selling proposition,” for all you non-MBA types out there. What secret sauce can you bring to the table? Your proposition can be an expertise, a hobby, or even an interest or passion for a particular cause that will serve as the foundation from which an entire organization or club can be established.

When you join a club – or, especially, when you start your own – you need to bring something unique and interesting to the table or else you’ll just stand out. Perhaps it’s nothing more than a willingness to participate and take on the difficult tasks. Perhaps it’s a set of resources that you have that you can contribute to the group. Maybe it’s personal talent.

An example: when in college, I joined a computer group, where people would trade software and computer parts, build computers for people, and give each other advice. The group was somewhat anarchical, though, and the job of president – the person who had to interact with the college and arrange rooms for meetings and the like – was thankless, though people did appreciate that someone was willing to do it. For one (long) year, that was me. Because of that year, I built up several long-lasting friendships, resulting in two separate guests at my wedding a few years later.

Whatever it is, having that extra “something” will help you become an integral part of any group and make it possible for you to meet lots of people. Stand up, offer what you can, and good things will happen.

Clubs Aren’t for Rich White People
On page 263, Ferrazzi eschews the “rich white guys” notion of what a club is:

The days when clubs were only for wealthy white men to consort with people just like themselves are over. It doesn’t matter if it’s a group of carpet salespeople meeting weekly to discuss the trials and tribulations of their jobs; a roundtable of female Republicans who are dissatisfied with the stance of their state party; or a group who share a passion for great wines and who come together monthly to do tastings, hear vintners who are traveling through the area, and who plan an annual trip to Napa. Whatever it is and whoever you are doesn’t matter.

The idea that a “club” is just an exclusionary group of like-minded people who don’t want anyone else interfering in their ways died along with the pet rock. Sure, there are still a few such archaic groups around, but most groups simply aren’t like that, and if you use the fear of exclusion to keep you from dabbling your toes in the water, you’re making a big mistake.

The entire purpose of a group is to meet people that overlap in some demographic fashion, whether it be a hobby or a belief or a location or a political affiliation or something else. That overlap is the one thing that matters.

Yes, maybe some groups that seem like they would fit simply don’t fit, but it’s not because of exclusion. It’s usually because of personality clash.

The Value of a Club
The compelling reason for club membership is spelled out on page 264:

As long as it’s an association of people with shared interests meeting in a specified place (even if that place is cyberspace), you’ll benefit from belonging to something larger than yourself. You and your fellow members will be strengthened by a collective identity. And whereas with business, where boundaries of most relationships are clearly defined by a specific project or deal and end when that project or deal is done, membership in a club (preferably a club you’ve started) will lead to friendships that will last for years.

Being in a club means that you’re building a bond with other people that goes beyond the minutiae of the day. People come together in clubs because of common interests and beliefs and passions, not because they’re made to out of business or because it’s convenient.

That’s why clubs are often the best opportunity for building new friendships and connections in your area. The people in that room share something that transcends the ordinary. Often, they work together to build something even more interesting and exciting. That environment is the type of place where relationships and friendships thrive.

Take some time and find out what groups, clubs, and organizations are available in your area and give them a shot, whether it’s a book club at the library or a hunting club at the local range. Whatever it is, if it matches you, you’ll likely match it.

Momentum
Whenever people start building a lot of new relationships, these relationships often snowball. Friends will constantly introduce you to new friends, and so forth. Ferrazzi looks at this more deeply on page 268:

The pursuit of a powerful network of friends is not in and of itself a bad thing. But the closer you get to powerful people, the more powerful you tend to feel. There is a point where your reaching out to others will pick up momentum; one powerful contact will lead to another and then to the next. It can be a very fun and motivating and important ride.

At one point in my earlier career, I noticed that this very phenomenon happened to me. At one point, I completed a pretty substantial project and was able to share the results of that with a large number of people. Later, at a large conference (the first of its kind I had attended), I would meet up with these people and they were constantly introducing me to others. By the end of it, I knew many of the key people there, pushing one of my friends to comment that it sure didn’t seem like I was a first-timer.

If you provide something of value to others and make a sincere effort to befriend them, help them, and maintain a connection, they’ll remember you. When the time comes, they’ll introduce you to people they know and you’ll get to know new people. Eventually this will reach critical mass – people will talk positively about you when you’re not around, realizing that they have you in common, and this will often bolster your reputation strongly without any effort from you. You’ll get calls and messages out of the blue from people wanting to know you.

It’s awesome. It works. It really happens. But it requires being a sincere and helpful friend to a lot of people over a long period of time.

Vanity
Unfortunately, that kind of success can lead to vanity. On page 268:

Don’t let a little vanity seep into your actions or excite more expectations or create a deeper sense of entitlement. Don’t get your Ph. D. in master connecting, and then, for some reason, forget all the classes and values that were your foundation.

Everyone fails in life. What will you do when the phone calls that were once returned immediately no don’t even get a response?

It’s easy to think that you really are awesome and that a gravy train of success will keep on running. Inevitably, though, something happens. We all fail. We all do something we shouldn’t.

The end result of that is sometimes connections close right in your face, and often even a domino effect can occur as the story of your mistake spreads.

What happens then? You rely on your old friends, the ones who have been around for a long time. The only problem there is that if you’ve stopped being true to who you are, you’ve also stopped being true to them – and it’s likely they won’t be there for you.

If you begin to think you’re better than people you once thought of as a valuable equal, it will eventually backfire on your face. Remain humble, and remember who your truest friends are and the values that helped you to start opening the doors in the first place. If you stick to those values and beliefs, you’ll do all right.

On Wednesday, we’ll tackle the twenty-ninth and thirtieth chapters – “Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat” and “Balance is B.S.”

Continue reading Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come …

From The Simple Dollar.

Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come

This is the fourteenth of sixteen parts of a “book club” reading and discussion of Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz’s Never Eat Alone, where this book on building a lifelong community of colleagues, contacts, friends, and mentors is teased apart and looked at in detail. This entry covers the twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth chapters – “Build It and They Will Come” and “Never Give in to Hubris” – which appear on pages 259 through 272.

One major challenge for many people is how exactly to find people to connect to. Many of the typical social methods people use to meet each other are shots in the dark, hoping that you find someone compatible.

Ferrazzi is a big proponent of clubs and community organizations. If you dig around, there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of these in your local area, but many people never put in the footwork to find such organizations.

Over the years, I’ve been a member of many, many such groups, and I have to agree – they’re often useful in building relationships and providing a great way to spend time. In my experience, the best organizations are the ones that combine the camaraderie of a club with a natural passion that you already have.

Join a Club
Ferrazzi lays out the reasoning behind joining a club or organization on page 261:

All clubs are based on common interests. Members are united by a similar job, philosophy, hobby, neighborhood, or simply because they are the same race, religion, or generation. They are founded by a common proposition that is unique to them. They have, in other words, a reason to hang out together.

Take a look in the mirrow. Who are you? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you believe in? The answers to these questions give you things that you have in common with other people, and this can often be the basis of participation in organizations.

Perhaps your school has an alumni association. Perhaps you’re a believer of a certain religion. Perhaps you engage in a particular hobby that others might share. Maybe you suffer from a certain medical condition, or have survived a certain social situation.

Whatever it is, there’s either an organization out there that will help you find people that you have something in common with or you can start such a group yourself. The people you meet will not only be easy to meet, but many will have social worlds that don’t overlap your own, giving you many opportunities to get to know people in different areas and stages and walks of life.

Bring Something Extra
On page 261, Ferrazzi talks about your unique selling proposition:

At a time like this, you have to figure out what is your U.S.P. – your “unique selling proposition,” for all you non-MBA types out there. What secret sauce can you bring to the table? Your proposition can be an expertise, a hobby, or even an interest or passion for a particular cause that will serve as the foundation from which an entire organization or club can be established.

When you join a club – or, especially, when you start your own – you need to bring something unique and interesting to the table or else you’ll just stand out. Perhaps it’s nothing more than a willingness to participate and take on the difficult tasks. Perhaps it’s a set of resources that you have that you can contribute to the group. Maybe it’s personal talent.

An example: when in college, I joined a computer group, where people would trade software and computer parts, build computers for people, and give each other advice. The group was somewhat anarchical, though, and the job of president – the person who had to interact with the college and arrange rooms for meetings and the like – was thankless, though people did appreciate that someone was willing to do it. For one (long) year, that was me. Because of that year, I built up several long-lasting friendships, resulting in two separate guests at my wedding a few years later.

Whatever it is, having that extra “something” will help you become an integral part of any group and make it possible for you to meet lots of people. Stand up, offer what you can, and good things will happen.

Clubs Aren’t for Rich White People
On page 263, Ferrazzi eschews the “rich white guys” notion of what a club is:

The days when clubs were only for wealthy white men to consort with people just like themselves are over. It doesn’t matter if it’s a group of carpet salespeople meeting weekly to discuss the trials and tribulations of their jobs; a roundtable of female Republicans who are dissatisfied with the stance of their state party; or a group who share a passion for great wines and who come together monthly to do tastings, hear vintners who are traveling through the area, and who plan an annual trip to Napa. Whatever it is and whoever you are doesn’t matter.

The idea that a “club” is just an exclusionary group of like-minded people who don’t want anyone else interfering in their ways died along with the pet rock. Sure, there are still a few such archaic groups around, but most groups simply aren’t like that, and if you use the fear of exclusion to keep you from dabbling your toes in the water, you’re making a big mistake.

The entire purpose of a group is to meet people that overlap in some demographic fashion, whether it be a hobby or a belief or a location or a political affiliation or something else. That overlap is the one thing that matters.

Yes, maybe some groups that seem like they would fit simply don’t fit, but it’s not because of exclusion. It’s usually because of personality clash.

The Value of a Club
The compelling reason for club membership is spelled out on page 264:

As long as it’s an association of people with shared interests meeting in a specified place (even if that place is cyberspace), you’ll benefit from belonging to something larger than yourself. You and your fellow members will be strengthened by a collective identity. And whereas with business, where boundaries of most relationships are clearly defined by a specific project or deal and end when that project or deal is done, membership in a club (preferably a club you’ve started) will lead to friendships that will last for years.

Being in a club means that you’re building a bond with other people that goes beyond the minutiae of the day. People come together in clubs because of common interests and beliefs and passions, not because they’re made to out of business or because it’s convenient.

That’s why clubs are often the best opportunity for building new friendships and connections in your area. The people in that room share something that transcends the ordinary. Often, they work together to build something even more interesting and exciting. That environment is the type of place where relationships and friendships thrive.

Take some time and find out what groups, clubs, and organizations are available in your area and give them a shot, whether it’s a book club at the library or a hunting club at the local range. Whatever it is, if it matches you, you’ll likely match it.

Momentum
Whenever people start building a lot of new relationships, these relationships often snowball. Friends will constantly introduce you to new friends, and so forth. Ferrazzi looks at this more deeply on page 268:

The pursuit of a powerful network of friends is not in and of itself a bad thing. But the closer you get to powerful people, the more powerful you tend to feel. There is a point where your reaching out to others will pick up momentum; one powerful contact will lead to another and then to the next. It can be a very fun and motivating and important ride.

At one point in my earlier career, I noticed that this very phenomenon happened to me. At one point, I completed a pretty substantial project and was able to share the results of that with a large number of people. Later, at a large conference (the first of its kind I had attended), I would meet up with these people and they were constantly introducing me to others. By the end of it, I knew many of the key people there, pushing one of my friends to comment that it sure didn’t seem like I was a first-timer.

If you provide something of value to others and make a sincere effort to befriend them, help them, and maintain a connection, they’ll remember you. When the time comes, they’ll introduce you to people they know and you’ll get to know new people. Eventually this will reach critical mass – people will talk positively about you when you’re not around, realizing that they have you in common, and this will often bolster your reputation strongly without any effort from you. You’ll get calls and messages out of the blue from people wanting to know you.

It’s awesome. It works. It really happens. But it requires being a sincere and helpful friend to a lot of people over a long period of time.

Vanity
Unfortunately, that kind of success can lead to vanity. On page 268:

Don’t let a little vanity seep into your actions or excite more expectations or create a deeper sense of entitlement. Don’t get your Ph. D. in master connecting, and then, for some reason, forget all the classes and values that were your foundation.

Everyone fails in life. What will you do when the phone calls that were once returned immediately no don’t even get a response?

It’s easy to think that you really are awesome and that a gravy train of success will keep on running. Inevitably, though, something happens. We all fail. We all do something we shouldn’t.

The end result of that is sometimes connections close right in your face, and often even a domino effect can occur as the story of your mistake spreads.

What happens then? You rely on your old friends, the ones who have been around for a long time. The only problem there is that if you’ve stopped being true to who you are, you’ve also stopped being true to them – and it’s likely they won’t be there for you.

If you begin to think you’re better than people you once thought of as a valuable equal, it will eventually backfire on your face. Remain humble, and remember who your truest friends are and the values that helped you to start opening the doors in the first place. If you stick to those values and beliefs, you’ll do all right.

On Wednesday, we’ll tackle the twenty-ninth and thirtieth chapters – “Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat” and “Balance is B.S.”

Continue reading Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come …

From The Simple Dollar.

Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come

This is the fourteenth of sixteen parts of a “book club” reading and discussion of Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz’s Never Eat Alone, where this book on building a lifelong community of colleagues, contacts, friends, and mentors is teased apart and looked at in detail. This entry covers the twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth chapters – “Build It and They Will Come” and “Never Give in to Hubris” – which appear on pages 259 through 272.

One major challenge for many people is how exactly to find people to connect to. Many of the typical social methods people use to meet each other are shots in the dark, hoping that you find someone compatible.

Ferrazzi is a big proponent of clubs and community organizations. If you dig around, there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands of these in your local area, but many people never put in the footwork to find such organizations.

Over the years, I’ve been a member of many, many such groups, and I have to agree – they’re often useful in building relationships and providing a great way to spend time. In my experience, the best organizations are the ones that combine the camaraderie of a club with a natural passion that you already have.

Join a Club
Ferrazzi lays out the reasoning behind joining a club or organization on page 261:

All clubs are based on common interests. Members are united by a similar job, philosophy, hobby, neighborhood, or simply because they are the same race, religion, or generation. They are founded by a common proposition that is unique to them. They have, in other words, a reason to hang out together.

Take a look in the mirrow. Who are you? Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you believe in? The answers to these questions give you things that you have in common with other people, and this can often be the basis of participation in organizations.

Perhaps your school has an alumni association. Perhaps you’re a believer of a certain religion. Perhaps you engage in a particular hobby that others might share. Maybe you suffer from a certain medical condition, or have survived a certain social situation.

Whatever it is, there’s either an organization out there that will help you find people that you have something in common with or you can start such a group yourself. The people you meet will not only be easy to meet, but many will have social worlds that don’t overlap your own, giving you many opportunities to get to know people in different areas and stages and walks of life.

Bring Something Extra
On page 261, Ferrazzi talks about your unique selling proposition:

At a time like this, you have to figure out what is your U.S.P. – your “unique selling proposition,” for all you non-MBA types out there. What secret sauce can you bring to the table? Your proposition can be an expertise, a hobby, or even an interest or passion for a particular cause that will serve as the foundation from which an entire organization or club can be established.

When you join a club – or, especially, when you start your own – you need to bring something unique and interesting to the table or else you’ll just stand out. Perhaps it’s nothing more than a willingness to participate and take on the difficult tasks. Perhaps it’s a set of resources that you have that you can contribute to the group. Maybe it’s personal talent.

An example: when in college, I joined a computer group, where people would trade software and computer parts, build computers for people, and give each other advice. The group was somewhat anarchical, though, and the job of president – the person who had to interact with the college and arrange rooms for meetings and the like – was thankless, though people did appreciate that someone was willing to do it. For one (long) year, that was me. Because of that year, I built up several long-lasting friendships, resulting in two separate guests at my wedding a few years later.

Whatever it is, having that extra “something” will help you become an integral part of any group and make it possible for you to meet lots of people. Stand up, offer what you can, and good things will happen.

Clubs Aren’t for Rich White People
On page 263, Ferrazzi eschews the “rich white guys” notion of what a club is:

The days when clubs were only for wealthy white men to consort with people just like themselves are over. It doesn’t matter if it’s a group of carpet salespeople meeting weekly to discuss the trials and tribulations of their jobs; a roundtable of female Republicans who are dissatisfied with the stance of their state party; or a group who share a passion for great wines and who come together monthly to do tastings, hear vintners who are traveling through the area, and who plan an annual trip to Napa. Whatever it is and whoever you are doesn’t matter.

The idea that a “club” is just an exclusionary group of like-minded people who don’t want anyone else interfering in their ways died along with the pet rock. Sure, there are still a few such archaic groups around, but most groups simply aren’t like that, and if you use the fear of exclusion to keep you from dabbling your toes in the water, you’re making a big mistake.

The entire purpose of a group is to meet people that overlap in some demographic fashion, whether it be a hobby or a belief or a location or a political affiliation or something else. That overlap is the one thing that matters.

Yes, maybe some groups that seem like they would fit simply don’t fit, but it’s not because of exclusion. It’s usually because of personality clash.

The Value of a Club
The compelling reason for club membership is spelled out on page 264:

As long as it’s an association of people with shared interests meeting in a specified place (even if that place is cyberspace), you’ll benefit from belonging to something larger than yourself. You and your fellow members will be strengthened by a collective identity. And whereas with business, where boundaries of most relationships are clearly defined by a specific project or deal and end when that project or deal is done, membership in a club (preferably a club you’ve started) will lead to friendships that will last for years.

Being in a club means that you’re building a bond with other people that goes beyond the minutiae of the day. People come together in clubs because of common interests and beliefs and passions, not because they’re made to out of business or because it’s convenient.

That’s why clubs are often the best opportunity for building new friendships and connections in your area. The people in that room share something that transcends the ordinary. Often, they work together to build something even more interesting and exciting. That environment is the type of place where relationships and friendships thrive.

Take some time and find out what groups, clubs, and organizations are available in your area and give them a shot, whether it’s a book club at the library or a hunting club at the local range. Whatever it is, if it matches you, you’ll likely match it.

Momentum
Whenever people start building a lot of new relationships, these relationships often snowball. Friends will constantly introduce you to new friends, and so forth. Ferrazzi looks at this more deeply on page 268:

The pursuit of a powerful network of friends is not in and of itself a bad thing. But the closer you get to powerful people, the more powerful you tend to feel. There is a point where your reaching out to others will pick up momentum; one powerful contact will lead to another and then to the next. It can be a very fun and motivating and important ride.

At one point in my earlier career, I noticed that this very phenomenon happened to me. At one point, I completed a pretty substantial project and was able to share the results of that with a large number of people. Later, at a large conference (the first of its kind I had attended), I would meet up with these people and they were constantly introducing me to others. By the end of it, I knew many of the key people there, pushing one of my friends to comment that it sure didn’t seem like I was a first-timer.

If you provide something of value to others and make a sincere effort to befriend them, help them, and maintain a connection, they’ll remember you. When the time comes, they’ll introduce you to people they know and you’ll get to know new people. Eventually this will reach critical mass – people will talk positively about you when you’re not around, realizing that they have you in common, and this will often bolster your reputation strongly without any effort from you. You’ll get calls and messages out of the blue from people wanting to know you.

It’s awesome. It works. It really happens. But it requires being a sincere and helpful friend to a lot of people over a long period of time.

Vanity
Unfortunately, that kind of success can lead to vanity. On page 268:

Don’t let a little vanity seep into your actions or excite more expectations or create a deeper sense of entitlement. Don’t get your Ph. D. in master connecting, and then, for some reason, forget all the classes and values that were your foundation.

Everyone fails in life. What will you do when the phone calls that were once returned immediately no don’t even get a response?

It’s easy to think that you really are awesome and that a gravy train of success will keep on running. Inevitably, though, something happens. We all fail. We all do something we shouldn’t.

The end result of that is sometimes connections close right in your face, and often even a domino effect can occur as the story of your mistake spreads.

What happens then? You rely on your old friends, the ones who have been around for a long time. The only problem there is that if you’ve stopped being true to who you are, you’ve also stopped being true to them – and it’s likely they won’t be there for you.

If you begin to think you’re better than people you once thought of as a valuable equal, it will eventually backfire on your face. Remain humble, and remember who your truest friends are and the values that helped you to start opening the doors in the first place. If you stick to those values and beliefs, you’ll do all right.

On Wednesday, we’ll tackle the twenty-ninth and thirtieth chapters – “Find Mentors, Find Mentees, Repeat” and “Balance is B.S.”

Continue reading Never Eat Alone: Build It and They Will Come …

From The Simple Dollar.

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